Dear Billy joe Bob, I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.  We don't live where we did when you left home.  Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved.  I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that live here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. This place is really nice.  I even has a washing machine.  I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't see it since. The weather isn't bad here.  It only rained twice last week, the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday.  We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.  The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week, some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned.  We had him cremated; he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck.  Butch was driving.  He rolled down the window and swam to safety.  Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. Your Favorite Aunt

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their life.  The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped.  They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "Paw, what's 'at?" The father (never having seen and elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno.  I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.  The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.  The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially.  They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.  Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git you Momma..."